In the LGBT community, we’re often pushed to self-identify our sexual role in terms of what people most understand or are most comfortable with. For decades, terms like “top” and “bottom” have been used to simplify gay sexuality and answer questions like, “So which one of you is the man? / Which one of you is the woman?”

Not only is that question ignorant and offensive but it does not take into account the fluid nature of “versatility”. Many people simply do not understand the concept of versatility and it tends to make straight people in particular as uncomfortable as bisexuality does. Why is it so important to define sexuality in a ridged way?

When it comes to sexuality it is easier for most of the public to define themselves or someone else as a singular role (either masculine or feminine) and that a single individual can’t change between the two. As a society we unfortunately find comfort in stereotypes. When someone breaks conventional stereotypes we’re not sure what to do. The fact is, the world of sexuality is filled with examples where someone’s “sexual role” isn’t necessarily written in stone.

Versatility or bisexuality isn’t directly linked to promiscuity either. For many it is easier to think of bisexual individuals as being overly sexual or not discriminating enough when it comes to sex to care about sexual organs. This isn’t true either and in many cases the true factor of attraction becomes something non-sexual all-together.  We love who we love and for the reasons only we can understand.

The world of BDSM, soft bondage  or submissive play is often defined by the role participants play in the bedroom. These concepts apply to straight, gay and bisexual relationships alike. We’ve all heard terms like dominant, submissive and some of us are familiar with the term, “switch”. A switch is someone who can be both dominant or submissive and often who they are with determines what role they assume and will enjoy the most. This is another example of a fluid sexual role.

Don’t be so quick to define yourself or others by perceived sexual roles.